A Star Beside Our Names
by HanaKimiCali
Summary: A Modern AU. Merlin has been traveling the world for a centuries for any sign of Arthur and now he's living in New York City and runs into the one person he never expected to be resurrected.
1. Chapter 1

_New York City, 2008_

He bustles throughout the city, hardly looking where he was going. The honking of the cars and the cabs around him didn't faze him anymore. It used to be you could hear someone come from miles away just by the sound of roots and gravel being crushed under the heavy fall of a horses hooves. Now he couldn't hear anything. He felt the weight of hundreds of years on his shoulders and yet, he didn't look a day over twenty four.

He spent near an eternity searching the United Kingdom for Arthur, waiting for him to be reborn. He waited through famines and wars; times of immense peril that made Merlin think, _now is the time. If anyone can save the kingdom from useless war and killing now it's Arthur. So where is he?_ Suffice to say Merlin was never able to find him. He didn't think he had even been reborn at all, if he had Merlin would have felt it. So Merlin left those shores nearly eighty years ago; kissed them goodbye and settled in North America. After wandering for a several years he gained his foothold in New York City. He watched the city rise and succeed and though he never stayed in one place for too long, New York had become his home.

Today he settled for a calming morning walk in Central Park. He walked briskly through the morning fog, pulling his knit beanie a bit further over his ears to keep them warm. He sat on his favorite bench. Just a lone wooden bench that faced an gravel pathway. On this particular day he brought his favorite book along with him, the final installment of the Harry Potter series; out of all the books that he had read in the last century, this series was still his favorite. The world sure had changed. It was hard to remember that there was actually a time when people were terrified of magic. That it had actually been forbidden when these days most children grew up wishing they could be so special as to be endowed with such abilities. They fantasized about receiving their letter that would admit them to a magical school to study potions and transmogrify. Merlin whimsically wondered how things would have turned out had it been that way in Camelot. From the front pocket of his zip-up hoodie he pulled out an old pack of cigarettes and pressed one between his lips; fished the lighter out of his front pocket and lit it quickly. The smoke swirled all around his face as he turned his attention back to the page; letting the sounds of the park sweep him away into the story.

Just as he finished the first paragraph of the third chapter he heard a voice suddenly. It didn't come from anyone passing by, it was coming from inside his head. Calling his name, telling him that he was impossibly close. He sat there on the bench in a stunned silence. It had been years since he had heard a voice inside his own head. Centuries even; the last voice to penetrate him had been Kilgharrah and the last Dragon was long dead. He tried his best to shrug it off, there had been a lot of running after white rabbits in time past, chasing down voices across continents hoping that they would lead him towards his resurrected friend. He decided long ago that he wouldn't dwell on it any longer, in the end he always ended up alone and exhausted. He shook his head and turned back to his book and continued to read, losing himself completely in another reality until he was pulled out of his reverie. The echo of small foot falls on the packed gravel grew closer and it made Merlin lose his place in the paragraph. He looked up from the porcelain pages and was nearly blinded by the sun breaking through the trees although, no matter how bright the sunlight he would always recognize that face. It was one that he was punished with having to see every night in his dreams; a pale masthead for the eternal guilt that plagued him. No matter what the era he would recognize her anywhere, Morgana.

Without even a second thought he discarded his book as he stood to get a better look but she was too quick. He called out to her but she couldn't hear, not with her ear buds in and blasting what he was sure was some kind of dance beat into her ears. She continued to run down the path, enjoying her morning run and not realizing that she left behind an extremely befuddled wizard who could only watch her go. A million different explanations ran through his head. Why here and why now? Why leave him to wander aimlessly into the 21st century only to appear before him in the park? He watched her go before she veered off to the left and disappeared from his sight. Merlin bent to pick up his book from the ground where it had landed and like a bolt of lightning, doubt began to settle in. _What if it wasn't really her?_ It could have been anyone really. It wouldn't have been the first time that he had mistaken a pale skinned, raven haired woman for Morgana. There was that incident twenty years earlier that ended in a stint at the county jail for a night and he didn't want to ever relive it.

Although in the lowest pit of his stomach he could feel it. The possibility that he had heard the voice in his head because she had been nearby was overwhelming. Perhaps every time he had heard the voices in times past she had been nearby as well. There were too many maybe's swimming around in his head. He quickly decided that it was probably best if he just went home and got some rest so he packed the book away in his plain black backpack and walked in the direction of his apartment; opposite the direction that Morgana had run.


	2. Chapter 2

As days passed, Merlin found himself feeling more and more anxious. He wanted nothing more than to get out of his apartment; every night as he tried to fall asleep he could feel the weight of the four walls around him. As if every day the small apartment shrank another inch or two. He assumed that after all the centuries of solitude he would be used to it but he wasn't. All Merlin ever longed for was to go back to days of old, magically turn back time so that he could be with Arthur again. He rolled over in his bed and looked at the clock on his bed side table; he had assumed that it was morning when it was in fact well into the afternoon. He let out a frustrated groan and climbed out of bed. Quickly getting dressed he bounded out of the apartment and into the bright warmth of the day.

He decided that his first stop would be the liquor mart to get a new pack of smokes, then he would get a drink. He didn't care where although he couldn't go to his usual haunt. He still owed them too much money on his tab and the last thing he needed was for a relaxing drink to turn into a fist fight. He still needed to clear his mind though, so he quickly decided to just hop into the first bar that he came across.

He wished that he would have looked up at the name of the bar before walking in, it would have possibly changed his mind about stepping in from the heat that afternoon. Within seconds of entering the cool interior of The Half King, Merlin already had a feel for the place. It was dark and quiet inside, he could easily fade away into a dark corner and not be disturbed by anyone. There were a few other patrons in the place; some alone at the bar, some sitting in secluded booths around the parameter of the room. He stepped further inside and took a seat at the end of the bar and waited patiently for a bartender to ask for his order. He saw no bartender but could hear chatter coming from a room behind the bar, a burst of laughter resounded as the door swung open. A face turned to greet Merlin with a smile, a face that had been haunting him as of late just as it had for the past thousand years. Pale skin and dark onyx hair flitted around her face and Merlin watched with his eyes wide and mouth agape.

"Sorry to keep you waiting. What'll it be?" Her voice was identical as it had always been in his memories. He couldn't answer, he could only manage to look up into her blazing green eyes. Clearly she had struck men speechless before as she just rolled her eyes and snapped her fingers in his face, making him catapult back into reality.

"Oi mate, can I get you something?" She asked, her brow furrowed but a smile played on her lips.

"Sorry, um, just a whiskey." Merlin said.

"Neat?" She asked quickly and he confirmed with a nod. She turned her back on him to find a suitable whiskey and he found that he couldn't take his eyes off her movements. Little things about her were coming back to him. She set an empty glass in front of him and started pouring whiskey.

"Nice to hear a voice from across the pond." She spoke. Merlin looked at her in surprise, it had been an excruciatingly long time since he had heard her voice as happy and friendly as it was just then. They smiled at each other.

"Most definitely. It's not every day you run into someone from the old country." Merlin said with surprise, if only she knew how old. She poured herself a drink as well and turned her eyes back to him, her elbows leaning against the bar. She swished the amber liquid around in her cup as if it was a fine wine.

"At ffyniant Cymru." She spoke in Welsh, which made Merlin perk up a bit before returning the cheers and clinking his glass against hers. They drank. He thoughts weren't properly catching up with his actions, his mind was still stuck on the fact that she was there in front of him.

"I'm Morgan. And yes, before you say anything, I know that I have a boy's name. My parents were unusually cruel." She said with a smile as she took a gulp of the pungent liquid.

"Merlin." He said with a slight blush. It felt unusual to meet someone for the second time, especially when they can't remember the first time and you can recall every detail as if it was yesterday.

"Like the wizard?" She said with a chortle and Merlin couldn't help but laugh along with her. She didn't remember him, she remembered the legends and fairytales that she heard about him as a kid. He was a Celtic myth, a hero to the Welsh people. Just a story. No one actually realized that he was a real person to begin with, that he still is; he was used to it by now.

"Yeah, my mum had a sense of humor too." Merlin tried his best to reflect back a sense of absurdity but Morgan only smiled at him while she finished off the last of the whiskey in her glass.

"If I remember correctly, the wizard Merlin was a brave and selfless man. He guided Camelot into its golden age." Morgan said as she poured another generous serving of whiskey into his glass. The bell from the door rang out as another customer entered the bar. Morgan looked back to Merlin, winked and went to assist the new patron sat down at the bar a few seats away from Merlin.

After that day, Merlin found himself stopping into The Half King more often than usual. Although it probably wasn't giving the best impression of his character by coming to a bar every day, he was really doing it for the company. It didn't take long for all of the employees and some of the regular patrons to recognize him. Every time he stepped through the doors, Morgan, Iain the bar owner or customer would call out "The Great Wizard Merlin has arrived!" and everyone in the bar would cheer. He would take a seat in the same spot, have the same drink and smile the same smile. The kind of friendly smile that could start a million tales if anyone took the time to lend an ear. Sometimes Morgan would ask him about his life but he never revealed much. Random trivia that he would make up on the spot, the kind of things that no one questions.

He had become a staple at The Half King. Everyone knew him, the regulars knew him. They also realized quickly that on days that Morgan wasn't working, Merlin rarely stayed for more than one drink. Then again, he knew Morgan's schedule so he hardly came in when she wasn't there at all. Every time he walked in and saw Morgan behind the bar or wiping down tables, an indescribable feeling would take over his body. He would feel it from his head to his toes until finally manifesting itself in a toothy grin. When she would look up and see him take his seat at the bar, her body would react the same.

* * *

**At ffyniant Cymru - To Welsh prosperity. **


	3. Chapter 3

Thanks so much to everyone who has favorited/left a review or are tracking this story. It means a lot that there are some people enjoying it so far**. This chapter does touch on substance abuse, so tred lightly from here on out as it will be mentioned again in future chapters.**

* * *

It had been an incredibly trying day. He had gotten into a fight with a homeless man on the subway who was convinced that Merlin was the Devil. He believed that the only way that Merlin could be saved was to kick him repeatedly in the shins and spit on his shoes. Merlin wished over and over again that he could just transmogrify the man into a toad of some sort and just shoo him off the bus. Unfortunately for him but fortunate for the man, they were on a packed train car. Therefore, he didn't even stop off at home before heading to The Half King that night.

He reached his hand out towards the heavy door of the bar and paused. He hoped beyond measure that Morgan would be working today; nothing would make him happier. He grasped the metal handle tighter just before swinging the door open, just enough to slide his lithe body inside. He looked towards the bar just as Morgan looked up at the door and their eyes met. Green and blue.

"You look like you've had a rough day." Morgan said with a sympathetic glance towards his usual spot. The moment he hit the stool his Jameson was placed right in front of him with an understanding smile on Morgan's face. He tried his best to give her a smile but it only came out forced.

"Thanks." Merlin muttered as he took a long gulp of the fiery liquid.

"So, what has you so down?" Morgan asked and she stood behind the bar cleaning glasses. Merlin was astonished, how she could make such a mundane task look beautiful. The fluidity of her movements hypnotized him.

"Just the same old city life." Merlin spoke quietly as he continued to drink down his scorching comrade. "Though it made me realize something..." Merlin mused, not quite meaning to say it out loud. However, there it was. There was no taking it back now.

"...and what's that?" Morgan leaned towards him, her elbows on the bar and eyes full of genuine curiosity. Merlin paused and found that he was suddenly at a loss for words. He was losing himself in memories before he even realized that he was thinking them. Images came flooding back; their first interactions together. It was centuries ago but he could still see it as clear as day. She walked into the banquet hall and all eyes were on her, especially Merlin's. What had shocked him the most was that when she turned around to look at the crowd, their eyes had met. A flutter ran through Merlin's heart. It was flutter that he still felt to this day every time their eyes met.

"We should get a drink together sometime." Merlin said with a tentative smile and a nervous look to meet her eyes. She looked surprised but a moment later, she smiled.

"We have drinks together every day." Her smile was mischievous, she wasn't going to make this easy for him. He, almost, wanted to give up and down the rest of his whiskey in one go. He didn't know what to say next or where to look. All he could do was stare in the amber liquid in his glass and silently curse at the crimson blush rising on his cheeks.

"Merlin." Morgan said but he didn't look up. He didn't know what to expect or what he would see in her eyes. He heard her sigh just before he felt her fingertips against his chin. She pushed against him until he looked up at her and their eyes met; her fingers lingering on the prickly hairs on his chin for a moment too long. She smiled at him and it wasn't condescending or filled with pity, just her usual beautiful smile.

"As long as it's not at this place, I'd get drinks with you anywhere." She spoke with all sweeping sincerity. Merlin felt relief wash over his entire body. There was a long moment where he couldn't get his lips to form the words that he desperately wanted to say; all he could manage were pathetic sputtered syllables as he looked back at Morgan, wide eyed. She laughed at him, not hiding the fact that she could tell completely how nervous he was.

"Geez Merlin, you don't have to look at me like I've grown two heads." She continued to laugh at him as she moved down to the other end of the bar to clean up after two patrons who had just left. She wiped down the counter with her spare rag from her apron and as Merlin watched her his elation quickly morphed completely into nerves.

"Wait, you do want to head out together?" Merlin asked once he realized that she hadn't really given him an answer to his question.

"Check the coaster I just gave you." Morgan called out and Merlin did so immediately. Written in black sharpie was a seven digit phone number and this time Merlin did nothing to hide the childish grin that emerged on his face.

"I get off in an hour." Morgan said before heading into the back room. Merlin sat in his seat for a minute, the shock of everything settling in his mind. He had just asked Morgan to spend time with him outside of the bar that he frequented because of her and she had agreed. He was going to be alone with the woman who had captured his rapt attention all those centuries ago; a normal person wouldn't have been able to wrap their head around the situation. He wondered if he should just stick around the bar until she got off but he quickly decided against it. He only lived a few blocks away, he would go home and try to spruce himself up a bit. He wanted to look a bit more put together for her, not enough to give her the wrong impression but he also didn't want to come off as homeless. Which was the impression that he usually gave most people.

He promptly left the bar and practically power walked back to his apartment. He unlocked number 17 in a hurry and barreled through the front door and right into the hard body of his roommate.

"Ow! Are you kidding me?" Layne cried out as he hit the floor with a thud. Merlin recovered immediately and guiltily helped his whining roommate back onto his feet.

"Sorry mate, I didn't see you." Layne looked at his roommate with the most deadpan anger-filled glare that he could manage but after a moment, he just shrugged. He was no stranger to Merlin's antics.

Layne had come into Merlin's life at an interesting time. Being immortal had one downside in the modern times that he was living in, he couldn't live in any one building for too long. Someone would eventually notice that he wasn't aging and he would have to quickly disappear. He could usually inhabit one place for thirty years or so before he would have to move and start over.

He had left his last apartment in Bushwick nearly a year ago and he was having trouble finding a new place to live. Until he stumbled upon Layne's ad on Craig's List advertising that he was looking for a low key roommate. It was the last part of the ad however, that caught Merlin's attention. In bold letters, **'no questions asked'**. Their meeting together last all of five minutes before Layne told Merlin that he could move in. They got along splendidly, Layne helped Merlin move in the next day. He laughed at Merlin for all of his books, boxes full of texts about God knows what but as promised, he asked no questions. Layne mostly kept to himself in their apartment and that suited Merlin just fine, he liked his solitude for the most part. If Layne wasn't in his room or in the kitchen then he was out of town. He played bass in a band that would sometimes land a few touring gigs so Merlin found that there would be spurts of a few weeks where Layne wasn't around at all.

Although now, here he was. Back from tour and in their apartment. He must have only just returned because he hadn't been there when Merlin had woken up this morning.

"I got back nearly two hours ago. You weren't here." Layne looked slightly put off and surprised by his friend; he wasn't used to Merlin having any kind of social life.

"Yeah, I was at The Half King." Merlin said quickly, walking past his friend into the kitchen. Layne followed him, he could tell that there was something off about his friend. He knew that he hadn't seen his roommate in nearly three weeks, he wondered what could be going on in Merlin's head to make him seem so anxious.

"That bar down the street?" Layne asked, furrowing his brow and Merlin nodded quickly as he opened the refrigerator. He didn't really want anything from inside, he just didn't want to look at Layne at the moment. He didn't know why his heart was fluttering so much, he didn't understand why the prospect of telling Layne about Morgan was making him so nervous.

"That's not your usual place." Layne stood beside Merlin until he finally got fed up and walked out of the kitchen into his bedroom. He thought that Layne had gotten the hint but he hadn't, he followed him down the halls towards the bedrooms. Layne stood in the doorway of Merlin's small, tidy room and watched Merlin go back and forth between his closet and his hamper; looking for something suitable to wear for Morgan.

"You say usual place like I'm some kind of alcoholic." Merlin shouted back to Layne while he was in the closet.

"Because you are." Layne said with a smile. Layne had a way of turning everything into a joke, even something as serious as this. When they had first started living together, Merlin disclosed to Layne that he was struggling with a drinking problem, he explained in great length as to why without revealing too much about who he actually was. He explained that for years before he had been trying to reclaim his past and right his wrongs. After a long time his searching seemed fruitless so he stopped and instead began to run from himself. He drank to forget himself even for a little while. His drinking did get him into a few scraps at times but Layne kept a close eye on him so that he didn't get out of hand again.

"You know why-" Merlin began, his face turning red.

"Yeah yeah, I know. Running from your dark past blahblahblah. Can you at least tell me where you're going?" Layne said with a smile that grew even wider when he saw the blush rise on Merlin's ears.

"I've got a kind of...date." Merlin muttered quietly. It was quiet in the room for a long while, neither of them speaking. Just the sounds of the world outside seeping in through the cracked window.

"Someone wants to date you? ...Who?" Layne asked.

"Morgan, the bartender at The Half King." Merlin answered and Layne couldn't fight the bubbling laughter that erupted from his lungs. All Merlin could do to defend his honor was throw a used towel at the man.

"I'm sorry...it's just...I've always wondered. I mean, I should have caught on. All those stories about your old friend Arthur, you two always seemed _really_ close-"

"Morgan's a girl." Merlin said as he stared wide eyed at Layne.

"Ok ok, I was just messing with you." Layne said with an apologetic smile as he watched Merlin pull out a clean shirt from his dresser. Layne rolled his eyes at his friend. "At least wear one of your button-ups Merlin. Try not to look completely homeless for the girl." Layne walked over to the closet and picked out a blue button-up shirt, handing it to Merlin.

"Wear that with your grey hoodie and some jeans. Maybe shower and shave too, just a thought." Layne called out before walking out of Merlin's room. Leaving him to get ready with the company of his racing thoughts.


	4. Chapter 4

Nearly an hour later, Merlin left his apartment feeling pretty good about how the evening was going to go. He wore his best clothes, a per Layne's request and he could hear his ridiculous roommate cat calling at him even after he closed the door to his apartment. There was a bounce in his step and butterflies fluttering about in his stomach. He had spent his entire shower thinking about where he was going to take Morgan. He didn't want to take her someplace obvious; he wanted a surprise, take her somewhere unexpected.

After battling with his own mind for the length of his shower he had finally decided on where to go. There was small pub that he liked to go every once in a while. It was still nearby but there was enough distance between there and the bar that she worked. The thing that he liked most about this pub was the seating. Each small booth was tucked into an alcove or a dark corner, giving the patrons a feeling of private seclusion.

As he neared The Half King he felt his nerves becoming more and more on edge. He was about to go on a date with Morgana. Though she went by a different name and wore her hair a different way, it was still here through and through. Memories came flooding back, things that he would give anything to forget but his mind wouldn't let him. How light and powerless her body felt when he poisoned her; as he watched the cold poison begin to take effect and grip tighter in every inch of her. How easy it had been at the time to kill her as she stood menacingly over Arthur's body. For countless years he played the scene over again in his head and every time it ended the same; Morgana's lifeless body at his feet. It was enough to make any normal man go mad, which is what it nearly did to Merlin.

The Half King was just across the street and Merlin stood, hands in the front pockets of his jeans and waited patiently. He didn't want to be seen waiting around for her like an eager puppy but he was having a hard time keeping his excitement to himself. It only took a few minutes of standing out in the chill of the early evening air before Merlin watched as Morgan stepped through the heavy wooden door of the bar. She was dressed just as she had been when she was working, minus the apron she usually wore around her waist and her hair was free from its ponytail; swinging freely across her shoulders. She stood for a moment, rubbing her arms to keep warm and keeping a keen eye out for Merlin.

"Morgan!" Merlin called, waving a hand to get her attention. She caught sight of him across the street and gave him a small wave. As soon as the traffic cleared for long enough Morgan took the opportunity to run across the street. A few drivers honked their horns, earning themselves a glare and the finger from Morgan; Merlin couldn't help but smile. Finally she was in front of him and the best that he could manage was a bashful grin, while her smile could light up an entire city.

"You have perfect timing, Merlin." Morgan said with a twinkle in her eye. Merlin just laughed, not wanting her to know that he had actually been waiting for her. He laughed again, hit a wall and had no idea what to do next. They stood awkwardly for a moment, Morgan bouncing a bit on the tips of her toes to fight off the cold. Merlin thought that the hard part was getting her to go out with him but that had proved incredibly easy. The hard part was actually keeping her interested throughout the rest of the evening.

"Want to head out then?" Morgan asked after she realized that Merlin wasn't going to respond to her first comment. Merlin snapped out of his wandering thoughts and turned all his attention to Morgan. He hoped she didn't notice the blush growing on his cheeks.

"Oh, yeah. Come on." Merlin said as he began to lead the way towards the pub that he was taking her too. The air was starting to get colder and Morgan had to walk with an extra kick in her step in order to keep up with Merlin's wide strides. Once they arrived at their destination, they were bombarded with decorations set to the theme of a classic English pub. It made Morgan smile widely, which Merlin took as a good sign. They seated themselves at a small, two person table that was set apart from the rest of the patrons. Morgan's eyes immediately fell to the two menus sitting on the table.

"I thought it was just drinks?" Morgan teased, a hint of a smile on her face.

"Feel free to just drink, I just figured you might be a bit hungry after working all day." Merlin said with a smile and Morgan couldn't help but laugh a bit.

"Very thoughtful." Morgan said as her eyes browsed the menu. She didn't know what she wanted just yet and neither did Merlin. He didn't know if he could even eat anything in this moment, being around Morgan was so exhilarating that his nerves took over any feeling of hunger. It took a few minutes for Morgan to decide what she wanted and then she set the menu off to the side and looked up to meet Merlin's eyes.

"So why did you leave Wales?" Merlin asked her after they both sat together in a comfortable silence.

"My Father wanted me to take over the family business, follow in his footsteps I guess and I just couldn't do it. So I had to leave home." She finished with a shrug, clearly not wanting to delve too much into her past. Merlin just let what she had said sink in as he watched the dim light reflect from her pale eyes.

"What about you? Why did you leave Wales?" Morgan countered. She had no idea that it was such a loaded question. However, no one had ever asked before and he wasn't quite sure how he was going to explain it.

"I had this friend. He was a prat but we...I guess you could say we were best friends. We had a falling out and he disappeared. I came to New York to try and find him and I just ended up staying." Merlin explained as vaguely as he could but it brought back feelings that he had buried long before. Watching his best friend die, pushing his body out into the lake and the waiting. All that waiting.

"Did you ever find him?" Morgan asked and Merlin just shook his head wordlessly as he stared into the crevices of the wooden table. There was a sad silence between them but it only lasted for a moment until Merlin looked up at smiled at Morgan.

"And somehow you just wandered into my bar. It's like fate." She smiled as their beers arrived. Merlin's composed smiled faltered.

"I don't believe in fate." He whispered. He tried his best to smile at her then, to seem lighthearted but the comment rang true. After all that he had been through in his very long life, his faith in concepts like fate and destiny had petered out. He had put all of that behind him, resigned himself to living his life as it was now.

Hours passed like minutes and before either of them knew it it was well past midnight and Morgan was yawning up a storm. Merlin paid for their drinks and food and they left the pub together. The night air was crisp, making the both of them shiver and step closer to one another.

"Which direction is your place?" Merlin asked as he wrapped his arms around himself to try and trap the warmth to him.

"It's okay, it's not far." Morgan gestured in the direction which they had originally come. She looked over at Merlin when she heard him scoff.

"I don't care how close it is, I'm not letting you walk home alone past midnight in New York City." Merlin said with all sincerity, Morgan could tell immediately that he meant it. She they walked down the busy streets together, people passed them by completely unaware of the monumental history that was walking right past them. They walked through an intricate maze of city streets until finally Morgan slowed down and then came to a stop. Merlin looked around and let out a small laugh. They were standing across the street from The Half King.

"You live at the bar?" Merlin asked, trying his best not to look surprised. It really wasn't that surprising, he just found it interesting that living above a bar was hardly worthy of someone of her stature, her background; even if she couldn't remember any of it. Morgan just shyly nodded at his question; Merlin stuffed his hands in his pockets, a habit that he then realized might be attributed to nerves. They stood together for a long while, neither saying anything until Morgan finally looked up into Merlin's eyes and he could see nervousness written all over them. As she gazed up into his eyes a slight mischievous grin formed on her lips and a twinkle sparkled in her eyes.

"Do you wanna come up?" Merlin froze, he couldn't stand the uncertainty. There she was, bright green eyes twinkling at him and he knew it could be so easy to just go upstairs with her. But another part of him felt like it was shattering, he took a stumbling step back and Morgan's smile dropped.

"I uh, should actually probably head home. My roommate is really...a worry wart." Merlin said, trying to fake a smile. It was possibly the worst excuse he could have said in the history of lies. Morgan did her best to recover and look a little disappointed as she could but Merlin could read her better than anyone. He knew he had shattered her pride and he could see that he was hiding the pain in her eyes. She took a step back from him, they were standing so far apart now that they didn't even look like they had arrived together.

"Well, I'll see you at the bar then, I'm sure." She said before she turned around quickly and crossed the street to the bar. Merlin could only watch her go. Once she was gone, he turned around and began walking towards his place. He thought over the events of the evening and wondered why he had turned away in the first place. Their conversation had been lighthearted and flowed easily from one subject to the next, like two old friends catching up. The look in her eyes outside of her apartment had startled him. It was lust, unrelenting and ready to be let loose and it had made him feel guilty. She didn't really know who he was or who she was and what he had put her through in the past, because of that fact he wouldn't have felt right about giving her what she wanted. Not until she really know (though that was proving to be more of a problem in itself.).

Merlin opened the door of his apartment quietly after his short trek back from the bar. He went straight for the kitchen, pulled a beer out of the fridge and popped the cap with the base of his lighter. He could heard Layne's bedroom door open down the hall; his sock clad feet marching up the hallway.

* * *

"So, how was the date?" Layne asked, his voice cracking as he padded into the kitchen. Just as Merlin was swallowing his first large gulp of beer.

"Oh, it was great." Merlin said in a tone that spoke volumes over his words. Layne tried his best to look supportive but mostly he just felt surprise. He understood the feeling all too well and was sympathetic to his friend.

"Man, I had a good feeling about this." Layne said as he opened the refrigerator and pulled out his own beer. Once it was opened he took a big gulp and looked back to Merlin, who was leaning against the countertop, looking just as pathetic as he felt.

"She invited me in afterwards." Merlin mentioned, too afraid to look up and see the expression on Layne's face.

"Then why the hell do you look so sad?" Layne asked, wondering so honestly how everything could have gone so wrong.

"I couldn't do it." Merlin spoke in a near whisper and took another large gulp of his beer. The right words weren't coming to him, all he could do was shake his head in disappointment. He swallowed down the rest of his beer and set his empty bottle on the counter. Merlin didn't know what to say, didn't know where to look. He wasn't sure if he even understood completely why he rejected her. It was everything that he had ever wanted and yet when it was in front of him, he froze. He walked down the hall and walked into the dark coldness of his bedroom; closed and locked the door. He knew that Layne wouldn't dare bother him for the rest of the evening and he had some feelings that he needed to sort out on his own.


	5. Chapter 5

Merlin avoided the Half King for two whole days before he finally gave in. It was at an odd time of the day, he wasn't sure if Morgan would be there at all. He had to try though, he had to be close to her again. Merlin stepped into the dimly lit bar and he noticed immediately that Morgan wasn't behind the bar. Instead an older man was wiping down the sticky countertop. He took notice of Merlin and smiled lightly.

"You looking for Morgan?" The man asked, his Welsh accent still thick and proper as ever. Merlin had been a bit surprised that in all his time coming to the bar he had never spoken to the man. He nodded and the man looked at him for a quiet moment, silently judging him.

"Go on up. Her room is straight up the stairs and first door on the right." Merlin nodded and walked behind the bar, through the door. He was inside a large storage room and beside him was the stairwell, slender and enclosed; cramped for a normal person but Merlin was skinny and could walk up each step with ease. Lined up and down the walls surrounding him were pictures, mostly landscapes that Merlin recognized as Wales. Others were Morgan as a little girl, dressed up like a princess on Halloween. He looked at the picture for a few lingering moments, having always wondered back then what she had been like as a little girl.

"What are you doing here?" Merlin spun around and was face to face with Morgan. He tried his best to smile but once he saw the expression on her face he smile faded. She looked tired, dark color around her eyes and her face was absent of make-up. Merlin mused in his own mind how extraordinary she looked like this. Perhaps it was because he had always seen her so dolled up during their years together in Camelot; even in the years after she had abandoned the city, she didn't even resemble herself. She had been completely taken over by her hatred that hardly any of her true beauty shone through. Now here she was, completely unglamorous and wholly not evil and Merlin couldn't take his eyes off of her; she blindfolded him with her beauty.

"Are you going to answer my question, Merlin?" Morgan asked, crossing her arms in front of her chest. In that moment she realized that she was only wearing a ratty tank-top in front of him. Merlin blinked and his thoughts of the past disappeared and he was back in the present, staring at Morgan.

"I came to apologize." Merlin said and Morgan just watched him, trying to gage his sincerity. Finally she flung open the door that she was standing next to on her right and motioned for him to go inside. He didn't hesitate and walked in front of her to go into the room. As she followed him inside, Merlin got a chance to survey the room. Not a single inch was untouched or uncovered, the walls were covered in framed photographs and the parts that weren't were covered with bookshelves. The old oak bookshelves had volumes coated in dust and some newer well-worn books stacked vertically, just waiting to be picked up and read again. It was organized chaos and Merlin flourished in it. It was as if he could spend a year in this room alone and still not see everything.

Morgan sat down on the edge of her twin sized bed and waited for Merlin to speak. He stood awkwardly in the center of the room and searched for the words but he couldn't think of anything to say.

"Okay, I'll start." Morgan began, picking at her fingernails out of nervousness. "It's all right if you realized that you weren't into me like that. You could have just told me at the end of our date before...before I invited you up." She finished with a hint of sadness in her voice. Merlin wanted to scream out.

"That's what you think? That I don't like you?" He could hear his voice shaking and he didn't know how to make it stop.

"Well...I invited you in and you said no and then I didn't see you for two days." Morgan explained. Merlin moved forward and sat down on the edge of her bed. Not too close, just close enough to get his point across.

"That is not it at all." Here he goes, he was going to try and explain himself as best he could without revealing too much.

"You remind me a lot of someone I used to be very close with. The similarities are so overwhelming at times and when you invited me in...I got scared." Merlin admitted, it felt good to get it out even if it wasn't the whole truth.

"So I remind you of...an ex-girlfriend?" Morgan asked and Merlin wanted nothing more than to laugh, but he just shook his head.

"Just...one of my closest friends. I had always wanted there to be something more but..." He paused, he wasn't sure how to continue or even if he should.

"What happened?" Morgan asked. Merlin knew that he should stop, things were getting dangerous close to the truth.

"She betrayed us. My friends and I and before we could fix things...she died." Merlin finished, his voice low. There was a growing silence between the two of them. Morgan didn't quite know what to say. After a few silent moments Merlin chanced a glance up into Morgan's eyes, expecting to see pity but all he saw were tiny inklings of understanding. Also confusion, like she couldn't understand why she understood in the first place.

"So, I remind you of her?" Morgan asked to clarify.

"Overwhelmingly so." Merlin said, trying to crack a smile and failing miserably.

"I'm sorry then." Morgan said and Merlin looked up at her curiously. "For closing off and giving you attitude before. I should have waited for your explanation." Morgan said and Merlin could feel her sincerity. It warmed his heart and bit and made him realize the weight of the physical situation that they were in. It all felt very intimate, being alone in her bedroom and on her very small bed. Just as it had been all those years ago when he would enter her chambers, he felt like he was invading her privacy. He stood up awkwardly, rubbing his hands on the thighs of his jeans.

"I should head out." Merlin said as he motioned towards the door. Morgan just smiled at him from her seat on the bed.

"Don't be a stranger." Morgan said quietly and with an earnest smile. That smile. That small private smile made Merlin's chest clench and his breath halt in his lungs. He understood romance, he knew that there was supposed to be grand, sweeping gestures before a big kiss; a declaration so that the receiving party knew that the kiss was coming but he decided to throw it all out the window.

He took a few steps forward, his right knee coming down on the soft mattress; it creaked and groaned under his weight. Before he could summon a ball of fire his lips were on hers. He heard her surprise in his sudden intake of breath. He reached his hand and placed it at the base of her neck. She tried to deepen the kiss but just as she did, Merlin pulled away. He kept his eyes closed for a few seconds after the kiss was broken, just savoring the feeling of his longing finally coming to a close. So long he'd been haunted by regrets and fantasies of her kiss and now, here it was, everything he imagined as a young man.

He stood up off the bed, the mattress bouncing a bit on its springs. Morgan looked up at him in a daze, the beginnings of a smile on her lips.

"I'll see you tomorrow." Merlin said before he stepped out of the room, bounding down the flight of stairs, out of the bar and into the cooling early evening air.


End file.
